The Paperwork Mountain

Look, maybe I just don’t remember much from being a living person, but surely things were simpler back in the day, whenever that day was. Turns out – and you’re not going to believe this – that you can’t just build a home on any old piece of land and claim it as your own. I’ve spent a whole four days carting materials back and forth for my ultimate spooky mansion meets rockin’ bachelor pad, and only now do I find out that the land belongs to the council. They’re not even using it for anything!

Oh, I’m so terribly cross! It makes me want to inflict oodles of spooky mischief upon them and their families, but then I’d never get the land I needed. I need to go and look up things called ‘title transfers’ and ‘property transfers’. I need qualified property conveyancers, and before I do all of that, I need to submit a purchase request to the council. 

Ohhh, fiddlesticks! Spooking is just so much simpler! I find a tree. I climb the tree. I wait for someone to walk under the tree. I jump down from the tree, yelling ‘BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!’

It’s a beautifully simple system, and it works. All of life should be just like that, but we had to go and make things complicated, to the point where we need conveyancers to guide us with houses and pieces of land. 

I put my hand up in the latest Human Classes, to the usual chorus of groans, and said that we should be learning about property conveyancing. The teacher rather icily replied that we covered that on the evening of the 31st of October… so, um, yeah. I took the night off to gallivant around the Keymore Mansion with my new spooky friends. How awkward.

I suppose I’ll have to do my own research on Melbourne property conveyancing and figure out how it all works. I’ve recently found that my boney fingers are great for typing and such, so I have a wicked WPM score. I’ll get to the bottom of this, and I shall have my spooky pad!

-Rattlebones