Just A Boat

Boats: what, pray tell, is the go? What I mean is, why do people get so obsessed with them? When it comes down to it, they’re just like cars but without the wheels. Granted, you can’t use cars to cross bodies of water. But then, you can’t use boats to cross stretches of solid ground. My conclusion is that they’re roughly much of a muchness. Boats are less common, though, and I suppose that’s why people go bananas for them.

Take my mate Horace, for example. His boat is his pride and joy, and he’s always buying boating magazines and reading up marine welding techniques. His boat even has a name (Clarissa, if you care to know). He has a car, too, but does he go to these lengths to understand and accommodate it? You bet your bottom dollar he doesn’t. The car is just a car – a garden variety possession that can ultimately be replaced. The boat, on the other hand, is raised almost to the status of a human companion.

In fact, I’d go as far as to say that Horace values his boat more than he does his human companions. When was the last time he spent an entire day hanging out with a pal, shooting the breeze while relaxing over some cold ones? I can tell you the last time he did that with Clarissa. It was last weekend, when celebrated the fitting of a new bait board by spending a day on the water. I can’t even remember the last time we kicked a ball around.

Mum says I’m jealous of Clarissa, but I’m not. It’s name’s not even Clarissa; it doesn’t even have a name because it’s just a boat. It’s in no way humanoid, so there’s nothing to be jealous over. I just don’t understand what the big deal is with that hunk of metal, and I don’t want Horace to end up some weird isolated guy with nothing going on in his life.

Am I projecting? No, I’m not, thank you very kindly.