Irreconcilable Differences

I think this gardening project could spell the end of my marriage. We’re just too different. It’s odd that this is only now coming to light, given that we’ve lived together for 10 years. But that was in an apartment, and there are only so many options for plants to grow on a tiny, dim balcony. Now that we’ve got this big yard, it’s quickly becoming clear that we have irreconcilable differences. 

In short, we can’t stop offending each others’ tastes. I realise that we should be able to get around this with some counselling or whatnot, but honestly, I’m not sure I want to. How can live out the rest of my days with someone who only likes tiny, soft and pretty plants? I mean, when I hear ‘garden’, I tend to picture giant fig trees, bold palms and sculptural flowering agaves, whereas Kelvin pictures… drifts of seaside daisy meandering alongside a rustic stone pathway. Talk about boring.

Where I see a giant yucca, he sees trailing passages of corsican mint. Where I see a cold plunge pool and a hammock, he sees a quaint pergola for having afternoon tea in. How, I ask you, are we to work this out? We can’t just combine the two aesthetics; it’s not that simple. It’ll never work, unless we went for some kind of Mediterranean theme that somehow brings together my taste for the stark and imposing with his for the breezy and easygoing. One of us, though, is bound to end up feeling steamrolled.

I suppose we could have someone design it for us. Maybe they could create separate corners for us each to indulge our particular preferences, and somehow make them meet in the middle at the plunge pool/quaint pergola. Even if it that ended up being a bit jarring, maybe they could suggest some new ideas to us. Who knows? Maybe there are some plants out there that magically capture the essence of both our tastes. Maybe we don’t have to get divorced after all.