I’ve been searching far and wide, and finally, I’ve found some more important people to interview for the Australian Bureau of Random Statistics. I need to find out why people get window tinting services, and the results have been quite interesting.
A few days after contacting my next interviewees, I stand outside the head office of the British Noblemen of Melbourne Society, where I meet Rory Blackthorn III. I point out that their offices now have tinted windows, and he replies, “Well, at first we didn’t think it was necessary, but ever since I started blogging about our secret order, people have wanted to see what we do inside. So we got the best commercial tinting in Melbourne to keep our activities secret.”
My next interview is with interdimensional arch-lich, Archerak, who recently set up a new dungeon in the Melbourne area. Our interview is brief but insightful. He takes me to a window deep in his dungeon that has new glass frosting. Melbourne doesn’t have a nicer window, in my opinion. “This is a devilish trap I devised, allowing somebody to see only the slightest bit through the window. Adventurers always come in fives, so the idea is that they must guide one of their companions through the next chamber with only a small view. It will be very dangerous.”
Continuing my interviews with cosmic beings, I had a lovely chat with Garthablog the Twenty-Seventh, Ruler of the Underworld. “What purpose would a devil have for window tinting?” I ask. “Actually,” he says, “I am a demon, but I will excuse the mistake and not curse you to an eternity of torture. As for window tinting, I have devised a new plan for the torture of the damned. We begin by showing them something they love. It might be sports or their favourite video game. Then we slowly begin to tint the window between their eyes and the screen. Eventually, they won’t be able to see the thing they love at all. Oh, it is simply pure evil, don’t you agree?”
Indeed. Well, these interviews got a little dangerous, but I escaped with my life to survey another day!