It’s been one week since I put my son into care. I cried my eyes out when I left him. I truly felt like I was abandoning him and like I have failed as a mother. I didn’t want this to happen. I didn’t ask to have a son who is going to suffer from severe disabilities for the rest of his life. I love my son more than anything but I’m not qualified to look after him the way he needs. Letting go of him and handing him over to proper SDA housing near Adelaide is the best thing I could have done for him, and for myself. I needed to let him go. As sad as I am to have done so, I know deep down that I’ve made the right choice. Love is hard but love means doing the right thing for the person you care about, even if it is hard for you to do so.
I have to admit that this last week of having my son in care has been really incredible. I’m slowly beginning to feel like my own person again which is a miracle because it has been twelve years since I’ve felt like that. I don’t even know who I am anymore. Imagine dedicating over a quarter of your life to someone because you have no other choice. Every minute of every day is dedicated to them so that you end up losing yourself and becoming just whatever that person needs you to be. It’s really hard.
I’m just very glad that I invested in NDIS high intensity support for my son. Sometimes as much as you love someone you have to set them free. I know that’s usually said in a romantic sense but it’s true for familial love also. I love my son more than anything and it means the world to me that he’s going to get the care he needs.